I would apologize for being away for so long, but I think it’s kind of silly at this point. My real life continues to keep me busy. If you’re subscribed still because you hoped I might come back and continue to blog the same way that I used to, passionate about issues, it will probably be a year or more before I return to that. If you’re subscribed still because you just want to keep up from time to time, then you probably won’t be too disappointed.
Since my last post I have:
- gotten a full-time job that actually pays a pretty decent salary, despite not being in my field.
- gone to California 3 times with the hope of moving there. The plan to move this year was derailed, but it’s not off the table for next year.
- been looking for a new apartment.
- spent much of my time walking or running. I’m slightly lighter than I was when I first lost my weight, and in better shape.
- had 2 kidney stones. I’ll be having surgery tomorrow to see what’s going on and, I hope, to correct things should there be anything wrong.
- finally got the issue with my tooth and the multiple root canals taken care of.
- sorta-dating, but not really.
- spending time with people I’ve been out of touch with.
- spending time with myself.
I had a difficult time with the holidays, having spent several of them with my ex’s family. It was incredibly difficult not seeing them for Thanksgiving. And, to be honest, I spent much of the day fearful that he would try to “be nice” and text message me or send me an email. It would have been too much manipulation for me to handle at the time. But he was genuinely nice and honored his word to stop contacting me. I finally relaxed by the end of the evening. It will make Christmas easier knowing he can handle not using the holidays as an excuse to say something to me and try to reignite his ability manipulate my feelings for his own needs.
I’m still not ok with getting involved with anyone “for real” at this point. I still feel like I just don’t give a fuck about anyone except for myself. I do allow my time with other people to sink in and feel nice. But lately, I have mostly attracted married men (I don’t mess with that), men who live out of state, or men moving out of state. In other words: unavailable men. Infrequently, I meet some who are too available, and they frighten me. It just means I’m not ready yet, and I’m ok with that. Having a boyfriend ranks so low on the list of things I care about right now; sometimes I wonder if it’ll ever matter to me again.
I continue to have amazing, off-the-wall experiences, and meet incredible people. I’m content, even when I’m dealing with “stuff”. I might be back around soon with another update. Hope everyone else is doing well too.
I’m glad to hear from you! I check in every once in a while to see if you’ve updated and I was happy to see that you had. I hope your surgery went well and that moving goes smoothly. I’m actually planning a move to California, myself. I hope you find what you’re looking for!
Eva, thank you for stopping in and saying hello
Good luck in Cali!
I’m glad you updated. I’ve never posted a comment, but I keep up with your posts. Your break-up happened around the same time that mine did, and watching you move through it so gracefully has been incredibly inspiring. Even though I’m not back to “normal” as everyone expects me to be, you let me know that it’s okay, and that it takes time.
I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you, and I’m glad you’re doing okay.
Syeira, your comment means a lot to me. I’m still not “normal” either, but I’m starting to think that I don’t want to return entirely to the same person I was before, so I’m feeling it out. I hope you’ll find your way too